On Prayer

What is your favorite prayer? Mine is the prayer by St. Francis.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love,
Where there is injury, Your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in You

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness - only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we receive,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life

I like this prayer because it is personal and sincere. Every word in it, I could honestly relate to. It is a very unselfish prayer because it asks God not for material or worldly things. Instead it asks for love, forgiveness, faith, hope, joy and understanding, and not for oneself alone but for sharing with others. It’s saying: “God, I offer myself to you. Use me for your glory”.

How I wish all prayers are this way -- a personal communication between self and the Creator. I grew up as a Catholic. And now, I know Catholics will hate me for saying this. But frankly, I can’t understand why some Catholics (and that includes me) pray in emotionless, repetitive, almost mechanical fashion. I also say some, because, I’m sure other Catholics put deeper meanings to their prayers.

I can only speak for myself. Whenever I pray the rosary for instance, it feels impersonal and detached so much so that I think of it as just a waste of time. I truly can’t understand the need to repeat Hail Mary 50 plus times. In Catholic School, they taught us that when praying the rosary, one should be thinking of the mysteries (Glorious, Joyful, Sorrowful mysteries). One mystery for each decade of Hail Marys. Well, I tried doing that but then I realized that if I have to meditate on something, then I shouldn’t be thinking of the words I’m uttering. Which means that the Hail Marys are there simply to fill the time while meditating on a mystery. So why can’t we just be silent for 5 minutes for each mystery? Why can't the prayer being uttered be about the mystery itself? That way it has more meaning and is easier to meditate on. I wonder.

I feel like a rebel to my religion, expressing my gripes on Catholic prayer. But how can I help it if that’s how I feel. All I long for is to discover an intimate way to talk to Him. Like a son to his father. If my prayers lack sincerity and feeling, then who am I fooling? Isn’t it better for me then to simply not pray than pray pretending that I’m praying?