mGa KuRo-KuRo Ni Ka UrO

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

It's hard being a parent of a teenage girl

I have a small problem. Paano ko iko-convince ang aming dalaginding na anak na mga boys ang dapat gumagawa ng unang hakbang sa panliligaw? Yan ang ugaling Pinoy, di ba? Ang mga boys ang nagyayayang mag-date sa girls and not the other way round. The girls naman, dapat pakipot muna at playing hard-to-get.

Ewan ko kung ganyan pa rin ang ugali sa atin ng mga teenager. I’m sure nagbago na rin at di na tulad nung 10 to 20 years ago. Pero in general, mga boys pa rin ang expected na gumagawa ng unang moves.

Dito dahil kulturang kanluran, ang tinuturo sa school, girls and boys are equal, even in courtship. Kaya kapag sinasabihan namin itong anak namin na hindi magandang siya pa ang tumatawag sa phone sa mga lalaking kaibigan, nako-confuse siya. Sabi niya double standard daw na may pwedeng gawin ang boys na hindi pwede ang girls. Yung kasing iba niyang kaibigan na girls, sila pa ang nagbibigay ng mga sulat sa mga crushes nila at sila pa ang nagyayayang makipagkita sa labas.

Sometimes I find it difficult to reconcile our Pinoy ways with those of today’s generation. I’m liberal minded and I want to be reasonable. I want my daughter to be assertive and to stand for herself. Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin sa kanya na: "Basta, yan ang gusto ko kaya sundin mo yan, period." For that will only make her submissive later in life.

May katigasan ang ulo ko, lalo na nung bata pa ako. I always wanted valid reasons for anything my parents ask me to do or not to do. Langya, sa akin pa yata nag-mana itong batang ire. Am I being old-fashioned when it comes to my child? Overprotective or what? Wala na ba ako sa uso?

11 Comments:

  • ka uro,
    first, you do not need to convince your little girl. you just need to impart values. i dont know if this will work out for you, guys, but i went to my daughter's room one time after giving her a letter (i discovered she already has a boyfriend). i told her that i can be more than her friends, etc etc and the consequences of being mapusok because of this young love affairs. i am open-minded but i should be there to ensure that hindi nadedehado ang anak ko. frequent conversations with my kids toned their rebellious manners.

    By Blogger bing, at 1:00 AM, May 11, 2005  

  • bing,
    tama ka. kung minsan no amount of convincing will work. hindi nagwo-work yung argument na sabihin mo na nung time namin ganito ganoon, blah blah. they won't get it. sasabihin lang nila na iba na ngayon ang panahon, and i agree.

    about the letter, pwede ko bang i-email na lang o kaya i-txt. ha ha. salamat sa payo, ate bing.

    By Blogger Ka Uro, at 7:42 AM, May 11, 2005  

  • hirap nga ng lagay mo noh, ka uro, babae kasi kaya dehado.
    Pero sa kin, kung babae ang anak ko, ipapakita ko na lang ang fatherly values ko para yun ang maging basehan nya sa pagpili ng lalake. At sa pakikipag-usap, nanay yata dapat dyan, dyahe sa babae pag tatay ang naka-usap pagdating sa ganyang topic,'girls talk' kumbaga.

    By Blogger Tanggero, at 1:35 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • sabi ng kaibigan ko dapat strong ang connection mo sa anak mo at deeply rooted ang mga values na naimbibe mo sa mga anak mo. ewan ko, di pa ako ina. kahit naman dito sa pilipinas medyo iba na ugali ng kabataan. medyo kinakabahan na ako.

    -fionski

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:37 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • my gulay, i have a daughter and she's 4 years old. so i guess part of youre experience will be my experirence soon!

    Times are a changing na nga siguro. Kasi sa kapatid kong teenager na lalaki, ung mga babae na mga ang pumupunta at tumatawag sa bahay. ewan ko din baka nasa lahi lang namin. Chenez!!

    By Anonymous lanriv, at 3:10 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • Whether you are being old-fashion or over-protective could be true, but that is the natural reaction of a father to his daughter so there is nothing wrong with that. But also being a reasonable person as you have said, always put logic to what you do and say to your daughter because emotionally, she is vulnerable. My best advice is for you to establish a closer bond between you and your daughter and treat each other as FRIENDS or BUDDIES. Pag pinaghigpitan mo yan, she might also end up transgressing against your will and that will make you more miserable. It's a delicate stage so you'll be able to pull it off not by being too lenient or strict but with understanding. Isa pa, with great family values, kahit may gusto siyang gawing masama, she will be more inclined to do what is right.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:19 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • I have a daughter too who is 14 yrs old. I hope she'll always keep what we taught her when she was so little; values, morality, discipline, and faith to God.

    radicalmom.blogspot.com

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:25 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • Your daughter is very lucky to have a very sensible and concerned father like you! =) While I understand your dilemma parents tend to be overprotective and advice things to their children especially if it's something diff. from what they are accustomed to. Perhaps you can re-assess these values and not over react on things especially if your daughter has very good values instilled way back here in the Phils. Calling a guy in the phone does not mean she’s courting him or will court him. Easier said than done but it could help to look at things a little differently para we won’t freak out or be stressed over nothing. But you can talk to her about some rules in life in a better timing na hindi imposing ang dating so she’ll be more receptive than defensive. Goodluck!

    By Blogger ~dowadee~, at 5:15 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • coming from someone that has mixed parent and raised in here -

    I really believe it is how you raise your child and the teachings you provide them.

    My half sister raised in Manila seems to be more outgoing and open than I am who was born and raised here.

    My Mom never controlled my actions but has always been a guide to tell me what "looks" better or which is descent. She has always taught me that I am free to do anything I choose to do as long as I believe it to be right. I have called boys myself during my teen years but most are clean calls that has no mixture of flirting or other monkey business.

    Thing about it is that it only look bad to your eyes because of the culture you were raised in. The other person she is calling or their family will not even notice it being wrong. :) unless they came from the same culture. I would suggest an inch more of trust and a yard of guidance :)

    thank you for stopping by my blog and for the compliment. It does look neater huh?

    By Blogger Cerridwen, at 5:25 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • thanks everyone for all the advice. it's reassuring to know that more or less i'm on the right track. siguro nga masama lang ang isip ko kagaya ng sabi ni cerridwen. hirap kasi kapag alam mo ang gawain mo nung ikaw ang teenager. ooops. nadulas.

    By Blogger Ka Uro, at 9:36 PM, May 11, 2005  

  • nakakatuwang isipin na pare-pareho tayo ng mga "issues" dito. Maliit pa ang mga anak ko ngayon pero siryoso na naming pinag-uusapan ng aking kabiyak kung papaano ang gagawin namin pgdating ng panahon na teen-eydyer na sila. ang aming "conclusion", hindi namin malalabanan and kultura sa labas pero puwede nating bawasan iyung impact sa ating mga anak. Lahat naman ng kultura ay may mabutiat masama kay sa mga kultura na iniikutan ng ating mga anak sa ngayon kunin natin ang mabuti pero
    itapon and masama.
    Huwakin

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:47 PM, May 24, 2005  

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