Sagot ko sa liham ni Linda
God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
Lubos akong nalungkot sa iyong liham. Most times I’m too naive and too trusting of people and I have a tendency to romanticize things. But your letter jolted me back to reality. That life's not perfect. I now think that your case might just be the tip of the iceberg. That there are others with the same predicament as you. That there are more Filipinas like you who feel abused and unappreciated. They feel like captives of their husbands and don’t know where to turn to. They can’t get any help from the system like NZIS, because the slightest hint of their troubles can in fact be used by their husbands and NZIS to deport them.
Due to the lack of external support and no one to talk to, you feel helpless. Katulad ng sinabi mo para kang lumulubog sa kumunoy. It is bad to feel helpless, but far worse to feel hopeless. So Linda,
In your current situation, to be blunt about it, I can say that you are practically a prisoner of your husband. But I tell you, even if he puts you in a cage, he won't succeed in locking your mind and spirit. UNLESS you allow him to. Conversely, if you allow him to control your mind through his threats, then he doesn’t need chains to bind you. Because practically, you’re already his slave.
So where to now Linda? You have a number of options.
One option is to get out from the relationship. You can do this two ways. Una, basta lumayas ka na lang. Bad idea (unless you feel your life is threatened) because if you do it this way, he has no recourse but to report you to the authorities. The other way of getting out of your relationship is by mutual agreement, or amicable settlement. Who knows baka yun din ang gusto niyang mangyari. If you split as friends, there is a greater probability that he'll still be supportive of you staying in NZ. Either way, with option 1, you won't get a residency visa via the Partnership Policy.
Another option, if you think you can qualify under the Skilled Migrant Category (SMC) is to transfer your residency applicaton from Family Category (partner policy) to SMC. If you go through the SMC route, your relationship with your husband becomes irrelevant. However, if you leave him prior to your getting a WTR or PR visa via the SMC route, NZIS might still give you a hard time. So this option, just to be sure also requires some waiting game.
The last option will be to stick it out with him. If you could make him change and make your relationship work out so much the better. In 12 months, you can have your work visa converted to a permanent visa.
Once you have a PR visa and you decide to divorce him, will you be safe then? Hindi na ba pwedeng i-revoke ng NZIS ang PR mo? The bad news is that pwede pang i-revoke ng immigration ang visa ng kahit na sino if that person misrepresented themselves, lied, falsified documents or committed any form of dishonesty.
May mga precedents na kung saan na-revoke ang visa kahit matagal na sila dito. In a partner relationship, Immigration must be satisfied beyond doubt that the couple are living together in a genuine and stable relationship for at least 12 months. Should your husband file a complaint against you that your relationship wasn’t genuine even after you've acquired a PR visa, then there is a possibility that your PR could be revoked. Of course, your husband will need to substantiate his allegations.
There was a case about 5 years ago of a Filipina who was deported. She was married to a Kiwi. The Kiwi was maltreating her and she wanted to get out of their relationship. The Kiwi found a letter from the Filipina to her mother saying something like she was having a hard time with her husband and that she intends to divorce him as soon as she gets a PR. Tagalog o Bisaya pa nga yata yung sulat. The husband brought the letter to Immigration and had it translated. In the end, NZIS used that as evidence to deport the Filipina saying that their relationship was not “genuine and stable”; that the wife was only using the guy to acquire residency. Kawawang Pinay, kinaladkad papuntang airport kahit siya’y buntis nung time na yon. Walang nagawa kahit mga abogado.
So my first IMPORTANT advice to you, if your objective is to only to acquire a PR, to not put that in any form of writing, kahit email, because that could be used as evidence against you. Kung may email, i-delete mo. Maging yung Recycle Bin at Deleted Folder sa Outlook, i-empty mo. Also don’t mention your intention to anyone.
My next advice is for you to find a job, kahit part-time. Tama ang sabi ni Troskybee dahil kung may job ka kahit papaano makakatakas ka sa bahay for short periods. At kung may sarili kang pera, hindi ka basta-basta pwedeng sigaw-sigawan ng asawa mo. You’ll get your self-esteem and life back at magiging mabilis pa ang paglipas ng mga araw. Having your own income and savings is good for your security and also gives you a certain level of independence. Hindi ka kailangan umasa sa asawa mo for everything.
My last advice, huwag muna kayong mag-anak. Hopefully, wala pa nga.
If you really assess your situation, hindi pa naman grabe (I hope you agree).
2. Totoong common ang marijuana sa ibang Kiwi. But it is also common kahit sa iba nating mga kababayan. Again, andiyan ka siguro para ikaw ang magturo ng tamang landas para sa kanya.
3. Siguro kaya niya nailihim na may anak siya nung nililigawan ka pa lang niya dahil mahal ka niya. Inisip niya siguro na baka hindi mo siya ibigin kung ito’y hindi niya inilihim.
4. Baka naman mahiyain lang siya kaya ayaw niyang maki-sosyal sa ibang Pinay. Okay din yon, baka agawin pa siya ng iba, di ba?
5. Ako nanonood din ng porno. Komon lang yon sa mga lalaki. May time din na nahilig akong magpunta sa mga malalaswang site sa net. Noon, dahil sa pakikisama, madalas kaming nagpapa-umaga sa mga beerhouse at nanonood ng mga “shows”. Pero ngayon sawa na ako. I’m sure, ganon din siya. Magsasawa din yan.
6. Kung "disrespectful" siya sa kanyang magulang, ito’y gawa ng pagpapalaki sa kanila. Komon yan sa mga puti hindi lang dito sa NZ. Culturally, iba kasi ang upbringing nila kumpara sa atin. For them all adults regardless kung parents nila have same social standings as them.
7. If you have your own income, hindi kanya basta-basta pwedeng sigaw-sigawan.
8. The way you sounded it is as if you’re only relying on him to provide you the future you want. Mag-asawa kayo, so you two should work together as one for that future. Sa mag-asawa, dapat teamwork, di ba?