Dilemma

You have a life-changing decision to make. You have a couple of options, both of which have advantages and disadvantages. The first option might be more practical and financially advantageous, but the second option weighs more because of emotional/sentimental reasons. But it’s hard to make a decision because it’s not possible to quantify one’s feelings and therefore you can’t assess both options objectively. It’s a dilemma, because neither option is perfect. You are confused and don’t know what to do. What's distressing about a dilemma is having to make a choice one does not want to make.

The situation could be one where you’re trying to decide on a possible commitment with someone. Or it could be a decision whether to migrate to another country or to stay put. A part of you is telling you not to leave your comfort zone. Not to change your routine. But then the other part of you seeks adventure. It’s asking “how would you know if you don’t try?”.

You’ve tried to gather all the information you can get. You’ve even solicited opinions from so called “experts” You prayed for guidance. Looked for outward signs. Even tried to extract meanings from dreams hoping to find hints. But all these only made you more perplexed.

"Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty." - John Finley

A real test of maturity is if we can make our own decisions and are able to stick to it. As grown ups we consider ourselves adults by virtue of our age, but character-wise, we can be immature at times. We leave decisions to others. Our parents, partners, bosses, sometimes even our pets. The decision to live independently away from one’s parents for example can only be made by mature individuals. An immature person will let others decide for them. A mature person having made a decision is willing to accept all the consequences of the decision. While an immature person, when things don’t go as planned, becomes bitter and starts blaming others. “Si ano kasi… dapat kasi ganito…ganoon..” Sounds familiar? Come to think of it. Those who are bitter and regretful in life, most probabaly never stood up to make their own decisions.

The matter that I’m trying to convey here is that sometimes a dilemma is but a state of mind. It could simply be hesitation or indecision to commit to something. It’s the waiting time for someone to make the decision for oneself or an event to happen to influence one’s decision. I remember when I was a young boy who was about to attend my first boy-girl dance party at 16, I was apprehensive for days prior to the party (coz I was not a good dancer like my peers). My mind was in a state of dilemma. I did not want to go, but I was afraid of what my peers might say afterwards. I prayed to God that He make me sick on the day of the party to give me an excuse not to go. For a child, this is a classical avoidance tactic to a dilemma. Delay making a decision and hope something happens that will eliminate one option and therefore end a dilemma.

The thing is, you can’t be a child all your life. You have to end the dilemma YOURSELF by taking away the hesitation and making a firm decision. That’s right no one can do it for you. What you should do is to tell yourself: “I am strong. I can make my own decisions. I know God is with me every step of the way. What have I to fear?”

The actual decision made is secondary. The more important thing is that it is yourself who makes the decision, not anyone else. Although, there is no guarantee that the decision chosen leads to a better future (who can predict the future anyway?), you can at least be assured that by acting maturely you are developing a strong character. One that won't have regrets in the future, come what may.