mGa KuRo-KuRo Ni Ka UrO

Friday, July 29, 2005

Dilemma

You have a life-changing decision to make. You have a couple of options, both of which have advantages and disadvantages. The first option might be more practical and financially advantageous, but the second option weighs more because of emotional/sentimental reasons. But it’s hard to make a decision because it’s not possible to quantify one’s feelings and therefore you can’t assess both options objectively. It’s a dilemma, because neither option is perfect. You are confused and don’t know what to do. What's distressing about a dilemma is having to make a choice one does not want to make.

The situation could be one where you’re trying to decide on a possible commitment with someone. Or it could be a decision whether to migrate to another country or to stay put. A part of you is telling you not to leave your comfort zone. Not to change your routine. But then the other part of you seeks adventure. It’s asking “how would you know if you don’t try?”.

You’ve tried to gather all the information you can get. You’ve even solicited opinions from so called “experts” You prayed for guidance. Looked for outward signs. Even tried to extract meanings from dreams hoping to find hints. But all these only made you more perplexed.

"Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty." - John Finley

A real test of maturity is if we can make our own decisions and are able to stick to it. As grown ups we consider ourselves adults by virtue of our age, but character-wise, we can be immature at times. We leave decisions to others. Our parents, partners, bosses, sometimes even our pets. The decision to live independently away from one’s parents for example can only be made by mature individuals. An immature person will let others decide for them. A mature person having made a decision is willing to accept all the consequences of the decision. While an immature person, when things don’t go as planned, becomes bitter and starts blaming others. “Si ano kasi… dapat kasi ganito…ganoon..” Sounds familiar? Come to think of it. Those who are bitter and regretful in life, most probabaly never stood up to make their own decisions.

The matter that I’m trying to convey here is that sometimes a dilemma is but a state of mind. It could simply be hesitation or indecision to commit to something. It’s the waiting time for someone to make the decision for oneself or an event to happen to influence one’s decision. I remember when I was a young boy who was about to attend my first boy-girl dance party at 16, I was apprehensive for days prior to the party (coz I was not a good dancer like my peers). My mind was in a state of dilemma. I did not want to go, but I was afraid of what my peers might say afterwards. I prayed to God that He make me sick on the day of the party to give me an excuse not to go. For a child, this is a classical avoidance tactic to a dilemma. Delay making a decision and hope something happens that will eliminate one option and therefore end a dilemma.

The thing is, you can’t be a child all your life. You have to end the dilemma YOURSELF by taking away the hesitation and making a firm decision. That’s right no one can do it for you. What you should do is to tell yourself: I am strong. I can make my own decisions. I know God is with me every step of the way. What have I to fear?

The actual decision made is secondary. The more important thing is that it is yourself who makes the decision, not anyone else. Although, there is no guarantee that the decision chosen leads to a better future (who can predict the future anyway?), you can at least be assured that by acting maturely you are developing a strong character. One that won't have regrets in the future, come what may.

22 Comments:

  • yan una ko una ko dito!!! yehey!
    teka, basahin komuna pala, ajehjeh!
    wait, balik ako =)

    By Blogger Naomi, at 12:00 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • Mukhang hindi yata kanin ang almusal mo ngayon KU? English ang banat mo. Naalala ko tuloy yong tungkol sa party sa Something About Mary. Baligtad naman sa situation mo atat na atat yong lalaking (Ben Stiller) maka-date si Mary pero sa kamalasan naiipit ng zipper. Nakalampas tuloy ang golden chance na makasama niya ang kanyang babaeng sinisinta. Buti na lang hindi dininig ng Diyos yong panalangin mong magkasakit o kung ang binigay sa yo ay yon nangyari kay Ben Stiller di patay kang bata ka! :)Buti na lang at happy ending at nakatagpo niya muli ang babae kasi nga gumawa siya ng desisyon. Kung hindi siya gumawa ng desisyon na hanapin at muling suyuin ang babaeng ito di nauwi siya sa wala. Kung ikaw ay magdedesisyon kinakailangan pag-isipan mong mabuti at panindigan mo ito anuman ang mangyari lalo't alam mong tama ka.

    By Blogger goyong, at 1:50 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • nao,
    bespren, miss ko awayan natin. sarap din paminsan minsan ang nag-aaway ano? basta nagkakabati in the end, di ba?

    goyong,
    nipra-practis ko lang ang inglis ko. pansin ko kasi parang nabobobo ako sa inglis.
    masakit yung maipitan ng zipper. tandaan ko nung maliit pa ako nangyari talaga sa akin yon. mapapaluha ka sa sakit. napa-isip tuloy ako, bakit nga ba nangyayari pa rin ito sa mga puti kahit di na bata? napalayo tuloy ang usapan.

    By Blogger Ka Uro, at 2:10 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • honestly,
    this is just in time..
    as to what I'm feeling right now.

    By Blogger Naomi, at 2:11 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • KU...very timely post. The things that bothered me before are still bothering me now, and you're right, the reluctance to make a firm commitment and back up the initial decision is the cause of my anxiety. I am hoping that I can be strong enough and see my dilemma through to its conclusion.

    By Blogger Sassafras, at 2:35 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • tatay uro! =) agree ako sa lahat ng sinabi mo.

    now i'm applying what i've learned... i decided to comment, kaya meron akong comment dito. hehehe.

    have a nice weekend!

    By Blogger kukote, at 2:45 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • Absolutely true Ka Uro. And it all boils down to no one but yourself...making your own decisions. LIfe is all about taking risks also. Kung mali yung choice mo, nobody can judge you on that kasi, being a mature person, pinag-isipan mo na yon and you know the consequences. Kung nagkamali, accept it. At least you learned from it. What's worse than failing or making a mistake is not doing anything at all...and just waiting for things to happen. And kahit anong avoid natin sa decision making, it will always come,in another situation and time. There will always be dilemmas.

    Those who are afraid to make mistakes are those that never learned much...

    Good day to you Ka Uro!

    By Blogger Bluegreen, at 4:06 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • Kaya ganoon mga Puti hindi sila mga Kristiyano. Takot silang gumawa ng "decision" na magpabinyag at suffer the pain and consequences of their action. Hindi kagaya nating mga Pinoy elementary pa lang pag-natukso at napaambuyan go ahead na sa decision making. Hindi na tayo nadaan sa dilemna kasi malakas ang hiya natin. Oooops out of topic na naman tayo pero hindi di ba decision making at dilemna ang pinaguusapan yan ang isa sa major decision na ginagawa ng mga lalake to do it or not to do it at kung kailan. Dapat magpakalalaki ka sa pag-gawa ng desisyon upang maharap mo ang mundo ng taas noo at may dignidad.

    By Blogger goyong, at 6:43 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • Salamat for sharing your wisdom to us…it is truly enlightening…hope to read more… Ka Uro sana you can post something on “….Self-Righteousness….”

    By Anonymous Carol, at 7:27 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • na-miss ko kakengkuyan mo dito ah, serious..parang nasa ICU.
    Kidding aside...this one is very beneficial and a very good food for thought. There will always be dilemma..in different forms and we must be ready to face it to grow up and achieve.
    Long live...Ka uro!

    By Blogger Flex J!, at 8:53 PM, July 29, 2005  

  • so how and when does happiness come? palagay ko..sa tignin ko at naramdaman ko na it comes... quite simply... when you allow it .... "ang enerhiya ay enerhiya" think about something.. focus on something.. give your energy to something..at ang enerhiyang yan ang magbibigay ng buhay...whatever it may be.

    By Blogger J, at 3:55 AM, July 30, 2005  

  • " It's better to aim for the stars and land in the trees than to aim for the trees and land in the mud."


    KU,

    Your piece answer the question that millions of people always ask themselves - "WHAT IF?"

    JAP

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:55 AM, July 30, 2005  

  • malalim..malalim ang balon. mukhang may ugat...

    By Anonymous Patrice, at 8:31 AM, July 30, 2005  

  • carol,
    salamat sa suggestion. sige pag-iisipan ko, medyo may kahirapan ng konti.

    flex j,
    serious tayo pa minsan-minsan. parang mukhang kapitapitagan. ahihihihi.

    J,
    that's exactly right. sometimes it just depends on us to allow it.


    JAP,
    Oks yung quote mo. i liked it.

    patrice,
    nahulog ka ba sa kalaliman? "mukhang may ugat" - very perceptive ka talaga.

    nao,
    hope you don't have a dilemma. but if so sana mahanap mo ng kalutasan.

    sass,
    God is with you always. draw strenght from that knowledge. have faith.

    By Blogger Ka Uro, at 1:17 PM, July 30, 2005  

  • http://halohaloespesyal.blogspot.com/

    cheers!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:13 PM, July 30, 2005  

  • I believe that we make decisions EVERY SECOND of our life (pwera lang pag natutulog, hindi natin desisyon kung ano ang mapapanaginip natin). That is why we are the captains of our fate.
    Kung ano at nasaan tayo ngayon is the result of countless decisions in our past. ke maliliit o malalaking desisyon. You are given choices, every moment of your life. Yun ang ibig sabihin ng "God gave us free will". Nobody, even our parents, has a say in whatever we will become. Because you always have that right to say NO, I DON'T WANT THIS IN MY LIFE or YES,I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME! YOU are the captain of your fate and the master of your soul.

    By Anonymous isabela, at 8:49 PM, July 30, 2005  

  • Yes, maturity is being able to make your own decisions and sticking to them. But I think, it takes a really mature person to admit not only to himself but to his loved ones as well that he made the wrong choice. Just a thought...

    By Blogger aucklandbabe, at 2:08 AM, July 31, 2005  

  • salamat bro:)

    By Blogger J, at 7:11 AM, July 31, 2005  

  • isabela,
    indeed. knowing one has a free will is such a powerful thing.

    shiri,
    very, very true. and sometimes its the most difficult thing to do. admitting one's mistakes. thanks for the thought.

    By Blogger Ka Uro, at 8:29 AM, July 31, 2005  

  • bigats ! this is a good read.

    By Blogger Senorito<- Ako, at 9:01 PM, August 01, 2005  

  • isa lang ang masasabi ko: AMEN!

    By Blogger Gloria, at 9:03 PM, August 01, 2005  

  • Actually Ka Uro, nasa stage ako ng "Dilema" ngaun including my husband, anyway thank you very much for your topic it help to boost my positive feelings. Mabuhay ka!

    By Blogger Yka, at 12:07 AM, August 02, 2005  

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