Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations - Edward De Bono

Dearest KU,

Mahigit 2 months na kami dito. Maswerte naman po kami at sa tulong ng mga relatives namin dito nakakuha agad kami ng mga trabaho kahit hindi related sa aming background. Okay lang naman, at least may kinikita pambayad ng bills at makakuha ng local experience. Pero lately, medyo depress kami, feeling disappointed siguro dahil mataas ang expectations namin. Parang gusto na nga namin bumalik na lang sa Pilipinas. Gusto ko sanang humingi sa inyo ng advice kung ano ang dapat namin gawin.

Mrs. Dazed and Confused

Dear Mrs. Dazed and Confused,

I can only guess that your disappointments are mainly caused by the fact that you and your husband haven’t found your ideal or preferred jobs yet. Yung mga trabaho niyo ngayon ibang iba sa dati ninyong mga work sa atin. Ang mga posisyon mababa sa ini-expect ninyo considering your previous education and work experience. Malamang bago kayo pumunta dito, nasa-isip ninyo na madali kayong makakakuha ng trabaho na katulad ng dati ninyong work. Sa dati ninyong work maaaring mataas na ang inyong mga posisyon. Maaaring managers na kayo o kundi man may mga tauhan na kayo na under sa inyo. May mga taong tumutingala na sa inyo at tumatawag sa inyong Boss, Sir o Mam. Hence mataas na rin expectations niyo.

That impression of easily finding a preferred job, na maguunahan ang mga employers to hire you, may have been perpetuated by your relatives here in order to convince you to migrate to NZ. Don’t blame them for giving you that slightly incorrect impression. Their only desire was for you to live close to them and because in their hearts they know you’ll have a better future here. Also if they ever gave you that impression, they are not totally wrong. For eventually you would find the job that you really want. It just takes a bit of time.

Nung grumadweyt kayo sa college at magsimulang mag-trabaho, mataas ba kaagad ang posisyon ninyo? Hindi di ba? You had to start from below and slowly go up. It took years to go up the ladder. The same here in NZ. All your prior work experiences and masteral degrees if not gained in NZ are not worth anything unless you’ve proven their value. You first have to gain the respect of NZ employers for them to trust your qualifications. You have to give them time, just as you give yourself time.

I remember when I first started here. I started as a junior programmer kahit naging manager na ako sa Pinas at may US work experience pa ako. But I didn’t mind kahit junior programmer lang ako. Lalo kong ginalingan. After a year, nakita ng employer ko ang aking kakayahaan and it was only then that my employer had a second look at my previous experiences and gave me a promotion. Nalaktawan ko ang mga nagmamagaling lamang.

Marami akong kilalang doctors, lawyers, CPAs, dentists, engineers, office managers who came here and initially got disillusioned because they couldn’t land the jobs they wanted. They ended up as taxi drivers, dental assistants, phlebotomists, accounting and office clerks, janitors, casino card dealers. Everyday they go to work, they're ordered by supervisors younger than them, have lower education than them (yung iba HS grad lang), have less experience than them. At times that could be humiliating.

Sa bahay naman, dati-rati sa Pinas may sasalubong na maid para kunin ang mga gamit mo sa kotche. Uupo ka na lang sa hapag kainan para kumain, tapos manonood ng TV at magpapahinga. Ngayon pag-uwi mo kailangan mo munang magluto, pagkatapos magluto at kumain, magligpit at maghugas ng pinagkainan. Habang nagpapahinga pinapaandar ang washing machine o dryer. Habang nanonood ng TV, namamalantsa. It’s a totally different lifestyle. Napapaisip ka if it is worth it. Minsan may mga napapaiyak because of self-pity.

Ano pwede nating gawin para hindi ma-disillusion o magkaroon ng self-pity?

The first thing you have to learn is to unlearn. You have to unlearn most of the things you’ve been accustomed to. You are in a new place, think of it as starting out from scratch. Kalimutan mo ang mga matataas na expectations mo because it’s a different ball game. The rules are different.

For example, if your profession is one that requires certification, it means you won’t be able to practice your profession here until you successfully sit a certification exam. The first challenge for you if you really are keen in practicing your profession is to pass that exam. There is no short cut to it. Period. You cannot expect NZ to adapt to your demands and way of thinking, you have to adapt to theirs. The sooner you realize this, the sooner and easier you’ll be able to adjust.

My last comment is with regards to self-pity. Here in NZ, there is no humiliation in doing house work. There is no stigma in being called under-the-saya. Mahirap ang magluto, maglaba, magsampay, mamlantsa, maglinis ng bahay at toilets. But if you think of them not as sacrifices but as a labor of love, then you can be proud of your achievements.

Have faith,
K U