If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around does it make a sound?
I remember our Psychology 101 teacher asking the above question. A lively discussion ensued. Each student giving a different answer. I remember giving out a somewhat scientific answer about sound waves, blah, blah, blah.
Now 25 years later and 17 years of marriage bliss, I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer to the said question is both Yes and No. From the tree’s and air’s viewpoint, yes, sound was produced. But from a person’s viewpoint, since no one was there to hear and record that sound, it was total silence.
To give more relevance to the question allow me to interpret it in everyday context. Sa opis, o sa bahay, kung may nagawa kang maganda, pero wala naman nakaalam nito, nangyari nga ba ito? Sa viewpoint mo, siempre, nangyari ito. Pero sa viewpoint ng iba, parang walang nangyari. Others may benefit from what you did, but since no one knows you did it, you don’t get the credit. Worse, others may even grab the credit. Other people's impression of you remains unchanged.
You see, perception creates impression. You are liked or disliked based on what people know about you. If you want to be liked, make a favorable impression of yourself. Such truth can not be discounted in a husband-wife relationship. Therefore, the husband should always try to make a good impression on the wife.
For instance when doing housework, always make sure that your wife is made aware of what you did. If you washed the dishes or did the laundry without her knowing it, then it’s not counted. Wala kang pogi points kapag ganoon. If you want pogi points, you have to let her know about it. The more pogi points you have, the more likely will she continue to like you. And the best way to let her know about your accomplishments at home is to announce it. You can say “honey, paaandarin ko na ang washing machine”, “love, magsasampay na ako”, etc. In other words, don’t just do the work. Reinforce it by words, to make sure the work doesn’t go unnoticed.
Another secret I've discovered about our wives is that sometimes, enough na na maging thoughtful tayo. Big deal para sa kanila na magpakita tayo ng ating pagiging maaalahanin. Thoughtfulness is not only remembering important dates. Thoughtfulness can be manifested daily.
Let’s say your wife is busy preparing dinner while you are idle, doing nothing. Go over to her and ask her “Sweetheart, anything I can do to help?”. Naks, di ba? Very gentleman ang dating. Wala ka pang ginagawa, may pogi points ka na kaagad diyan. At kahit alam mo naman ang dapat mong gawin, ask ka pa rin. Because by simply asking the question, you’re making sure that whatever happens next, makatulong ka man o hindi, nag-register na sa mind niya na matulungin at thoughtful kang asawa.
Finally, if you are sincere in lending a hand, ask her the question while she appears starting or in the middle of doing the housework. Kung hindi ka naman sincere, hintayin mo kapag patapos na siya sa kanyang gawain bago mo siya tanungin... And hope she doesn't notice. Hehe.